This is my Aunt Betty. She passed away on Christmas Holiday. Uncle Bob sent me these beautiful pictures and her silver Starfish necklace. Aunt Betty loves Starfish, Seashells, and Humming birds. They were unexpected gifts. Uncle Bob told me that he wanted me to have one of her most treasured things so I can have a part of her too. I was very touched and happy knowing that they love me as much also and want me to have these valuable items. I won't ever forget Aunt Betty or stop loving her even if I don't receive these precious gifts.
Wow, Aunt Betty was a Hottie when she was younger. I bet she had great times being young, beautiful, and single. Uncle Bob said that all the guys in town were chasing after her...she picked Uncle Bob because he made her laugh and that he hung around long enough to wear her down... she had no choice but gave in and chose him. Very funny and romantic.
Loosing Aunt Betty and Stinky in the same week made me think more about my life now and after...what would happen to K when I am gone. I am not afraid to leave this world. I would have regrets if it happens too soon because I just want to be on this earth long enough to see K grow up doing things like plays sports, dates, gets married, have children, and so on. I want K to know that I love him unconditionally; I will to protect him when he's weak, stand up for him when he's most afraid, and agree to disagree with him of his ideals, thinking, issues about life, politics, religions, and so on. Just because I maybe mad at his action that doesn't mean that I'll stop loving him.
Of course, we all have regrets in life that's why they called it "hind sight". Are they really regrets or just us being selfish and greedy? We're selfish and greedy because we want more out of life, don't want to let go, afraid of losing control of our fate, or want to live forever. I believe that we create our destiny, and our time on this earth is limited and preassigned. It's up to us to live our life the best way we can to our fullest potential or not do anything at all and blame everyone else for our misfortunes.
I don't know when my time will be and if my time ever come too soon, please do not mourn my untimely death. I will forever look over my son, husband, family members, my closest and dearest friends Stacey and Oanh making sure that they are safe and protected. I ask you to remember the good times we shared, fun times we enjoyed, and bad times we experienced. Talk to me when you miss me because I will hear you. I feel like if you cannot be good and love me when I am alive, I sure don't want your tears and regrets after I am gone...what good is that, you know?
As I said before, we all have our purpose in life whether or not we see or accept them. Live your life with integrity and confidence, don't let anyone put you down or make you feel inadequate, stand up for the weak and vulnerable, be good to ones you called families and friends, say what you mean and mean what you say with tact, most importantly be empathetic and compassionate toward others as you would like them to you. I have flaws, I feel broken at times, I made stupid and bad decisions in life, and I gave in to others' ideas and influences which I was uncomfortable with. Hind sight...I would of done things differently, chose wisely, and not listened to others too quickly. I was jaded as a child, I was mistreated as a teen, and a loner as an adult. They said that you can't hold on to the past if you want a different and better future.
Maybe for all those reasons, I feel isolated and hardened. Maybe that's why I don't settle for less in life because I have so much to give. I refuse to be mistreated and used again because i am strong and not afraid to fight back. Maybe that's why I don't have many friends because they were fair weathered and untrustworthy. I give at least 100% in any relationship I am in and I expect that much back...so far I only find it in couple of friends. Some said that "to love me is to understand me." or "accept me for who I am not of what I can do for you or give you."
I always give people benefits of the doubts and tried not to prejudge anyone. I may be standoffish and guarded at first but I am loyal, trustworthy, understanding, and easy going. I am Cancer and I am true to the crab description...it is hardened and not pretty to look at on the outside but soft, bendable, and full of goodies from the inside once you get passed my shell. Until next blog. My best always, Serene
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