For the longest time, K had not asked about Stinky. We were wondering if he even noticed that she's gone. We didn't bring her up infront of K fearing that he'd ask questions that we couldn't answer. About 3 weeks or so after Stinky's gone...as I was doing laundry, I turned around and there was K. He asked "hey, where's my Chihuahua at?" I pretended not to hear him because the unexpected happened. He then asked me again "where's my Stinky at, mama?" I stopped doing laundry, bent down to K's level and said "you remember how she was very sick, coughing, and had hard times breathing...she is in Heaven now honey...she feels better, she's happy,and shes's not sick anymore." K said "huh".
I further explained: "you see how pretty the clouds are, they are soft, white, and fluffy. Stinky lives there now...it's her new home." K got mad and said "no, mama...I want my Stinky back home to mama's home. I want her eat her food and go outside play." I cried. I miss Stinky too and I don't have to hide it from K anymore...what a relief, but I saw the expression on K's face of how ademently he wanted her here with us. I told him "someday maybe we can look up the clouds and see her up there and say hi to her, o.k.? for now, that's her new home, she's not sick anymore." K then walked away with his head down. I don't know what's in his head, what he's thinking. Sitting on the couch being very sad and quiet...maybe he was dealing with the sadness of loss for the very first time in his life. About 15 mns later or so, I sat next to him and asked if he wants to talk to me about how he feels. He just looked at me with those big brown eyes...his eyes were talking but nothing came out. I huged and kissed him. I told him that it's ok to be sad of missing Stinky, it's ok to cry because we miss her, and that it's ok to talk about how much we love her. I know that he's confused...so many questions in his head that he couldn't articulate them in words.
Few days afer that, we're in the car driving to Target. A beautiful day...it was sunny, temps was in the 50s, a little breezy and cold, but overall was a nice day. We were at the red lights, K looked up the sky as if he's looking for something...I asked what he sees up there. He told me "I am looking for Stinky mama. I Super Hero, I come and rescue her and bring her back to mama's home." I laughed with teary eyes. He then said "can I mama? can I rescue her?" I said "yes you can, you can do anything you want to for Stinky but she needs to be up there...she's happy to be sleeping on the clouds." He didn't respond kept looking up the sky.
Two days ago, we were outside playing GI Joe. It's a game that K plays with Joe when the wx is nice. They would run around the culde sac and throughout neighbors' houses with their plastic rifles pretending to be soldiers looking for bad guys. Of course, when Joe's not here...I must fill in Joe's shoes. I am not very good at the game but K took the lead and I followed him. He took a break from playing and leaned against the car. Again, he's looking up the sky concentrating as if he sees something. I asked him "what are you looking for, honey?" He said "I'm looking for Stinky...I can't see her mama, where's Stinky on the clouds mama?" I told him "maybe she's napping, but we'll make sure that we'll look for her often and maybe someday we can see her up there and we'll wave at her o.k.?" He was contend with my answer and stopped looking up the clouds.
Is K accepting that she' s moved on? Does he understand what Heaven is? Does he understand why Stinky is not here with us? and Is he coping with living in the house without her presence? When Stinky was alive, K barely paid attention to her. He didn't play with her, didn't mess with her, didn't pet her without us encouring him to, didn't bother her, or infringed in her space. She and K were like 2 ships passing in the nightssss. It was understood love and affection from both for one another. Once in a while, he would ask of her or made sure that she was ok when she was sick but for the most part...they co-existed.
Stinky's memorial plaque we ordered from Lowes came yesterday, I placed it in the garden where Stinky rested. K asked us "what's that mama?" I told K " it has Stinky name on here, her age...it means that we will never forget her, she will always be a part of our family, and we will always love her." "Awesome" K responded. He then said "I love the clouds, they are pretty and Stinky is up there..." "yes, honey...she is..." Until next blog. My best always, Serene
I further explained: "you see how pretty the clouds are, they are soft, white, and fluffy. Stinky lives there now...it's her new home." K got mad and said "no, mama...I want my Stinky back home to mama's home. I want her eat her food and go outside play." I cried. I miss Stinky too and I don't have to hide it from K anymore...what a relief, but I saw the expression on K's face of how ademently he wanted her here with us. I told him "someday maybe we can look up the clouds and see her up there and say hi to her, o.k.? for now, that's her new home, she's not sick anymore." K then walked away with his head down. I don't know what's in his head, what he's thinking. Sitting on the couch being very sad and quiet...maybe he was dealing with the sadness of loss for the very first time in his life. About 15 mns later or so, I sat next to him and asked if he wants to talk to me about how he feels. He just looked at me with those big brown eyes...his eyes were talking but nothing came out. I huged and kissed him. I told him that it's ok to be sad of missing Stinky, it's ok to cry because we miss her, and that it's ok to talk about how much we love her. I know that he's confused...so many questions in his head that he couldn't articulate them in words.
Few days afer that, we're in the car driving to Target. A beautiful day...it was sunny, temps was in the 50s, a little breezy and cold, but overall was a nice day. We were at the red lights, K looked up the sky as if he's looking for something...I asked what he sees up there. He told me "I am looking for Stinky mama. I Super Hero, I come and rescue her and bring her back to mama's home." I laughed with teary eyes. He then said "can I mama? can I rescue her?" I said "yes you can, you can do anything you want to for Stinky but she needs to be up there...she's happy to be sleeping on the clouds." He didn't respond kept looking up the sky.
Two days ago, we were outside playing GI Joe. It's a game that K plays with Joe when the wx is nice. They would run around the culde sac and throughout neighbors' houses with their plastic rifles pretending to be soldiers looking for bad guys. Of course, when Joe's not here...I must fill in Joe's shoes. I am not very good at the game but K took the lead and I followed him. He took a break from playing and leaned against the car. Again, he's looking up the sky concentrating as if he sees something. I asked him "what are you looking for, honey?" He said "I'm looking for Stinky...I can't see her mama, where's Stinky on the clouds mama?" I told him "maybe she's napping, but we'll make sure that we'll look for her often and maybe someday we can see her up there and we'll wave at her o.k.?" He was contend with my answer and stopped looking up the clouds.
Is K accepting that she' s moved on? Does he understand what Heaven is? Does he understand why Stinky is not here with us? and Is he coping with living in the house without her presence? When Stinky was alive, K barely paid attention to her. He didn't play with her, didn't mess with her, didn't pet her without us encouring him to, didn't bother her, or infringed in her space. She and K were like 2 ships passing in the nightssss. It was understood love and affection from both for one another. Once in a while, he would ask of her or made sure that she was ok when she was sick but for the most part...they co-existed.
Stinky's memorial plaque we ordered from Lowes came yesterday, I placed it in the garden where Stinky rested. K asked us "what's that mama?" I told K " it has Stinky name on here, her age...it means that we will never forget her, she will always be a part of our family, and we will always love her." "Awesome" K responded. He then said "I love the clouds, they are pretty and Stinky is up there..." "yes, honey...she is..." Until next blog. My best always, Serene
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